grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
