im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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