Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
