I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
