I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
