There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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