i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
