I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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