He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
