Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
