Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
