nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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