From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
