Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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