I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
