How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
