Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
