I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
