Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
