oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Randomize
