grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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