seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
