Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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