worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
