just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
