Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
