I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Randomize
