dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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