At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
