She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
