Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
