You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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