can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
