last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
