He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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