i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
