I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
