plz talk dirty to me
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
