Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
