omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
