i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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