Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
