And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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