she woke up with a sticky ear
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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