and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
