Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
