Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
