He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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