She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
