ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
