Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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