Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Randomize
