who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
