we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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